The winter holidays bring festive songs, cooler weather—and, often, the resurfacing of guilty feelings or long-held grudges among family members who gather to celebrate the holidays. This can make for a volatile situation. But when we’re visiting our elderly, ailing parents, grandparents, or spouse, we must put those feelings aside. Agree to disagree and move on to spend time with that ailing loved one. Rather than dredge up those old feelings, try to focus on living in the moment.

The point is to make this time enjoyable and meaningful for yourself and your loved one—even if they’re the one you’re feeling resentful toward. Neither of you is likely to change your mind about what’s causing the rift. For one day, let’s make special memories.

Sibling discord can also affect the care your loved one receives. I’ve seen it many times: Siblings fight over what’s best for their parents. Nobody wants to give up decision-making powers—or, the opposite, nobody wants to take responsibility for making these critical decisions. In either case, I recommend hiring an objective care manager and caregiving team to take over care of the parent. That will lessen the tension and conflict.

This advice doesn’t have to be limited to the holidays. Whenever you’re with your ailing parent or family member, remember to put differences aside. You’ll be happy you did.

S. Gerber & Associates, 3730 Kirby Drive, Suite 1200, Houston, Texas 77098; 713-857-3227; sid@personalcaregiving.com.

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Sid Gerber

Founding Partner at S. Gerber and Associates & Personal Caregiving Services

Sid Gerber is a founding partner of S. Gerber & Associates, a firm representing over 28 years of experience specializing in a broad range of long term care products and services including but not limited to care assessment, planning and management, care coordination, in-home caregiving services, quality assurance monitoring, and the securing of financial independence and asset protection utilizing insurance products from major carriers to pay for long-term care. Mr. Gerber helps family members make difficult long-term care decisions and provides them with the necessary education and resources to plan and manage their long-term health care and financial needs.

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